We dropped Jeremy off at OU for the spring semester 5 weeks ago. It was a hard weekend for me, as I was reminded that Athens, OH is where I want to be, but not where I am. While we were there, we went to church at Central Ave. Paul's message was about learning to "be" in the moment/place that you are rather than focusing on what's ahead. Very convicting for me as I count the months to move back to Ohio from Alabama.
In the past 3 weeks this concept has become even more difficult for me strive for. Upon returning to Alabama, I found out that my dad had a reaction to an epidural shot for back pain and was overwhelmed to the point of anxiety attacks with caring for himself. Ten days later I was on a plane to Seattle for an undetermined amount of time. My dad had already made the decision that he wanted to move to an independent living retirement home closer to my sister in Olympia by the end of the summer. My dad, my sister and I made the decision that he should move as quickly as possible. Dad starts renting his new apartment on March 15th. In the meantime, dad is recovering from his allergic reaction, still dealing with back pain, and dealing with moving from the house he has lived in since 1966.
Right now I am 'marking time'. We are getting things ready for the move, but there is not a lot we can do for another 2-3 weeks. My dad has no hobbies, few friends and is not open to doing anything new. He doesn't like to read or play any game other than cribbage (and that is too mentally taxing right now) Our time is spent walking when the weather allows, and watching tv which he finds boring, (but he is not open to watching anything different than what he regularly watches). This is a very frustrating situation for me. I am unable to do the things I would do to keep busy, because they are not things that he wants to do. I find myself just wishing for the days to quickly pass so I can go home to my own life. Totally opposite of trying to be content in the place that you are. The gray of the Seattle winter makes it worse, as it is brutal for my SAD.
So for now, I am not sure how to "be" in place that is not really a mentally healthy place to be. However, I do know that I have strength to endure because of my faith in Christ. He will not leave me or forsake me. He tells me not to be anxious for anything, and He tells me that my love for Him and others will be enough to make it through each day. I am clinging to these promises.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
New Year, New Realizations
It's 2013. This particular year has been set in my mind because it is the year that our oldest son graduates from college. Four years ago it seemed so far away in the future...now it has arrived. 2013 will also be a year of more changes for me...
Alex has been told he should be deploying in October (I'll believe it when he gets on a plane...her was supposed to be deployed now) I'm not very thrilled to be stuck in Alabama while he's not here, but I have some ideas for what I want to do while he is gone...IF he goes.
My dad has decided to move from the home he has lived in since November of 1966. This is the home my sister and I grew up in. Mom's been gone for 5 years and my dad has admitted that he is lonely and wants to live closer to my sister. He doesn't like to drive at night anymore and he doesn't want to deal with upkeep on the house anymore. He's moving to an assisted living facility where there will be activities, meals, and housekeeping provided. I am glad he has made this decision, but it will be strange after 47 years to no longer 'go home'.
Instead of New Years resolutions, I've made some 'realizations' for the upcoming year. I hope that by acknowledging these things, I will feel more content with where God is leading me in life, experience more daily joy and understand 'the why' of my thoughts and feelings.
1. I am ready to be 'done' with Air Force life: This has been apparent to both Alex and I over the last year or so. This last move gave us more confirmation. We have found a place we both want to live for more than 3 years. When we arrived in 2009 we never would have guessed that Athens OH would be that place, but it is. Another confirmation was attending the New Years open house hosted by the General that Alex serves under. In the past we have enjoyed the social activities that are 'optionally mandatory'. This assignment we don't. Living on the economy in Athens with no military base nearby was nice. I didn't miss shopping at the commissary, I was able to save just as much shopping at Kroger and Aldi. Our medical care was so much better--our civilian doctor treated nus as people instead of numbers.
2. While goals are great, it's the journey that needs to be enjoyed. This is especially true for being in graduate school. While my goal IS to get my masters, I am enjoying the majority of the process. I've set a realistic timeline for completion, but if I don't make it that's okay. I also need to apply this concept to our assignment here in Alabama.
3. Sometimes little negatives do matter...even when you want to brush them aside. My annoyances with living in this rental house are a big part of this. The dishwasher is crappy..it's loud and does a terrible job cleaning the dishes. Carpeting instead of hardwood floors. The open floor plan. Not enough storage. Obnoxious barking dogs that live behind us. Not having 4 seasons. Sales tax on food. I could go on, but I won't.
4. I want to have less 'stuff' but it's hard to let it go. I am a saver. I like to keep things. I like to make scrapbooks. Now that my dad is moving, I want 'stuff' that I grew up with. I need to figure out a balance of some sort.
Alex has been told he should be deploying in October (I'll believe it when he gets on a plane...her was supposed to be deployed now) I'm not very thrilled to be stuck in Alabama while he's not here, but I have some ideas for what I want to do while he is gone...IF he goes.
My dad has decided to move from the home he has lived in since November of 1966. This is the home my sister and I grew up in. Mom's been gone for 5 years and my dad has admitted that he is lonely and wants to live closer to my sister. He doesn't like to drive at night anymore and he doesn't want to deal with upkeep on the house anymore. He's moving to an assisted living facility where there will be activities, meals, and housekeeping provided. I am glad he has made this decision, but it will be strange after 47 years to no longer 'go home'.
Instead of New Years resolutions, I've made some 'realizations' for the upcoming year. I hope that by acknowledging these things, I will feel more content with where God is leading me in life, experience more daily joy and understand 'the why' of my thoughts and feelings.
1. I am ready to be 'done' with Air Force life: This has been apparent to both Alex and I over the last year or so. This last move gave us more confirmation. We have found a place we both want to live for more than 3 years. When we arrived in 2009 we never would have guessed that Athens OH would be that place, but it is. Another confirmation was attending the New Years open house hosted by the General that Alex serves under. In the past we have enjoyed the social activities that are 'optionally mandatory'. This assignment we don't. Living on the economy in Athens with no military base nearby was nice. I didn't miss shopping at the commissary, I was able to save just as much shopping at Kroger and Aldi. Our medical care was so much better--our civilian doctor treated nus as people instead of numbers.
2. While goals are great, it's the journey that needs to be enjoyed. This is especially true for being in graduate school. While my goal IS to get my masters, I am enjoying the majority of the process. I've set a realistic timeline for completion, but if I don't make it that's okay. I also need to apply this concept to our assignment here in Alabama.
3. Sometimes little negatives do matter...even when you want to brush them aside. My annoyances with living in this rental house are a big part of this. The dishwasher is crappy..it's loud and does a terrible job cleaning the dishes. Carpeting instead of hardwood floors. The open floor plan. Not enough storage. Obnoxious barking dogs that live behind us. Not having 4 seasons. Sales tax on food. I could go on, but I won't.
4. I want to have less 'stuff' but it's hard to let it go. I am a saver. I like to keep things. I like to make scrapbooks. Now that my dad is moving, I want 'stuff' that I grew up with. I need to figure out a balance of some sort.
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